Stronger Than You Think

Bipolar in High Heels: Successful Steps to Mental Health

It was a Monday at 2:30pm. I woke up with a migraine and it refused to go away. My head was pounding and my heart was distraught. By 2:31pm, I finally pulled myself out of bed. And by 2:32pm, I got myself to the sink to brush my teeth and wash my face. 2:33pm brought an onset of tears that just wouldn't stop.

I have had chronic migraines since 2018, when I started a job with great levels of executive visibility and management scrutiny. All my work was watched, reviewed and processed with a fine-tooth comb. And with every project, a new headache would appear. The pressure was immense and the internal workings of my brain suffered greatly. The migraines have not subsided since that time in my life.

I still suffer from migraines. I average 1 migraine per week and they last anywhere from 4 hours to 3 days. They start behind my eyes, work their way up my face and into the top of my brain, down the back of my head and into my shoulders. I have multiple levels of neurologic medications and support for this chronic illness, yet they still show their ugly face.

7 years of migraines is exhausting and this past Monday, I had enough of it all. I felt weak, exhausted, in pain. And I was desperate for health and healing. I wanted to scream to the world yet all I could do was cry. So that is what I did.

Recently a friend asked me, "what is your trigger for your migraines?" When I worked in 2018, my trigger was stress. But right now, I am not working, so there is no reason for me to be stressed out. Therefore, how could I possibly be suffering from migraines? Wrong. To be clear, whether you work or not, you can still feel multiple levels of stress.

My family is going through a huge transitional time in our lives. And I have a court date coming up for my long-term need to be on disability. Going to court is scary and telling my story to a judge who gets to determine my financial future is terrifying. I have 5 doctors who, due to my mental and physical health, feel as though I am not well enough to work. Yet, the financial disability support system has deemed me eligible to work. Therefore, I am going to court to plead my case.

With my head still snuggled into my towel and the tears still flowing, I said to myself, "Stop. That is enough. Wipe your tears. We have a day to finish." At 2:35pm, my face was dry and I was staring at my clock. It was time to get changed, have a cup of coffee and push through yet another migraine. But this time, it was different because even though it was hard, I knew I was stronger than I gave myself credit for.

Maybe you will go through minutes that are very tough. And sometimes it feels like it will never end and the pain will never stop. But I remain hopeful that even through the tears, there is light in resilience. There is strength beyond the pain. And there is perseverance through the struggle. And maybe, we are all stronger than we think.

Love Note: With all my heart, I genuinely request that due to the content written, please seek the guidance of professional help should you feel you need it.